


love is a game we deserve to play out loud

by orphan_account



Series: edling week 2018 [7]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Confessions, Heart-to-Heart, Internalized Biphobia, Light Angst, M/M, ed cries btw he needs it poor child, love how that isn't an actual tag :)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-21
Updated: 2018-06-21
Packaged: 2019-05-26 18:51:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15007163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: ed wakes up in a cold sweat, spills his heart out to someone he barely knows, and bares his heart to someone he loves.it goes as well as you would expect for a bunch of 15-yr olds and a really tired homunculus with horrible dating advice(edling week day seven: canonverse)





	love is a game we deserve to play out loud

Edward knew he fell in love with Ling by the time they were sucked into Gluttony’s stomach. Everything else that followed was purely mistaken for a better love story.

 

Yeah, it’s not something you can shout out proudly into the world; “Hey, I found the love of my life in the endless void stomach of an alchemically impossible eldritch horror! And he's great!” He’s also pretty sure Ling has some sort of thing going on with Lan Fan, so maybe he should give it up while his dignity and his feelings are still intact. 

 

Ed holds onto this every night, plagued by the images of Ling writhing in pain as his body rejected the Philosopher’s Stone forced into it. It joins his arsenal of nightmare material, pulling him out of his sleep with muffled screams and panting breaths. They always get him in the night, when he’s alone and scared. Ling’s eyes are always trained on his, widened and feral as his body contorts. 

 

“ _Edward!_ ”, he screams through clenched teeth. " _Help me!"_

 

Ed shoots up from his sleep, Ling’s name on the tip of his tongue. 

 

He’s fine, he’s alone, there’s no one behind him with a knife to his throat. Ling is safe, well as safe as one can get with a homunculus sharing his body. Homunculi don’t need sleep, so Greed volunteered for the nighttime lookout while the rest of them sleep. Ed knows Ling is tired, but he hasn’t said anything for the last few days, so he won’t ask.

 

“I can’t do this anymore.”, he pants. Darius and Heinkel groan near the embers of their dying fire, shuffling under their shared blanket. Sweat sticks to his skin in the humid summer night, hair falling loosely around his shoulders. Edward breathes deeply and the copper tang of blood fills his nose. He blinks and the ruins of Xerxes surround him in a sea of blood, the faces of the damned stuck in Envy’s body crying out for salvation. 

 

Ed gets up and brushes the dirt off of his pants. It’s still late into the night, but not so early that there’s no sunlight to give him away. He checks once, twice, that the sweat sticking to him isn’t blood, then saunters down to the river to calm himself. 

 

Ling is sitting on a stump by the bank of the river, watching the water flow by. Or maybe it’s Greed by the way his lip is curled as he stares at the moon. 

 

“Hey.”, Ed breathes, settling into the soft mulch. 

 

Greed sneers at him, eyes shining like rubies in the nighttime moon. “What’re you doing up, pipsqueak? Don’t you need sleep?”

 

Ed sticks his tongue out him, then looks out at the river. “Couldn’t sleep.”

 

“Huh.” Greed looks surprised. “Thought you were bone tired from the way you were dragging your feet this morning.” He looks at Ed, Ling’s caring face twisted into a shark-like grin. 

Ed splashes some water onto his arm, discreetly trying to wash the stench of blood off of him. The sweat was drying tacky, but all Edward could think of is a never-ending sea of blood, the stench clogging his nostrils. He doesn’t get much sleep anyways, the memories of shaving his life force to pass through the realm of God is always sharp in the back of his mind, practically burning itself onto the back of his eyelids for him to enjoy every time he closed his eyes.

 

"I just wanted to see if you were still alive. We don't know if Homunculi are immune to drowning.", Edward says dryly. "Your dumbass could've fallen into the river for all we know."

 

He wants to apologize to Ling, to Lan Fan for dragging them both into this. Edward should’ve left them in Rush Valley when he had the chance, should have held them at an arm’s length like he does with everyone so they won’t get hurt in the fallout of his mistakes. He promised that after Alphonse, no one would get hurt because of his bullshit ideas. But, here he is, the blood of innocents drying under his fingernails and the pieces of a broken promise crunching under his shoes

 

“You thinking about your kid brother?”, Greed asks without turning to him. 

 

Edward whips his head around, sleep-mussed hair flying into his eyes. “Yeah, how’d you know?”

 

Greed scowls. “The idiot prince told me you always scrunch up your nose when you think of things you care about. I owe him soba noodles now.” He fake gags, sticking a finger into his mouth. “What’s on your mind, shrimpy?”

 

Edward groans. He takes a fistful of leaves and throws them into the river, watching them float away. “It’s been months since I’ve seen Al or Winry, and as much as I hated letting them go with Scar and the others, I’m scared that he won’t be able to do anything if Envy or the others come after them.” He takes Winry’s piercings out of his pants pocket and clenches them in his fist. “I should be there, I should be protecting my family.”

 

“Don’t worry about that old bastard Envy. If anything, he’ll try and slither his way into wherever your friends are hiding, but they’re smart enough to knock him on his ass.” Greed looks to where Edward has loosened his fist and raises his eyebrows at the hint of silver he sees peeking out of Ed's hands. “Those belong to that mechanic girl of yours, don’t they? Winry, was it?”

 

“Wha-huh? No, they don’t!”, Edward splutters, shoving Winry’s piercings back into his pockets. “How do you even know her name?”

 

Greed shrugs. “Ol’ princely boy in here won’t stop waxing poetic about her. Says she’s super amazing for putting up with you, and something about an apple pie.”, he scoffs. “Whatever that is.”

 

Edward softens at the thought of Ling chattering excitedly about their limited time in Rush Valley. “Hey, Greed. I’ve got a question for you?”

 

Greed grins, propping his head on his hand. “Go for it, kid.”

“Have you ever been in love?”, he says, his face going slightly pink.

 

“What the fuck kinda question is that?!”, Greed says. He drags a hand down his face and sighs. “You aren’t asking me this because of that Winry chick, are you?”, he says tiredly. 

 

Edward goes fully red and groans. “No! Winry’s like a sister to me at this point. And I’m like 89% sure she’s into Paninya, so I don’t even think she likes me like that.” He crosses his arms and stares off into the trees. “I just wanted to know, sue me.”

 

“Good.” Greed leans back on his stump and looks up at the moon. “Love doesn’t come easy when you’ve been alive since Tiberius’ empire, but I’ve found a few flings here and there. There was one, back at the Devil’s Nest, although I don’t think you two got properly introduced. Dolcetto was the closest thing I’ve ever had to having someone.” He stops abruptly, fisting his hands in his pants. “Then that bastard Bradley killed him where he stood.”

 

Ed’s eyes go wide. “Dolcetto? He was that dog chimera, right?”

 

Greed nods, then let out a slow breath. “Yeah, and one of the best people in the world.” He turns to Ed, grinning like a cat. “So, what about you, Elric? Got anyone on the brain?”

 

Ed blushes. “Well, he’s not necessarily on my mind, but I do think about him a lot.” He leans back on his arms, sighing as he takes in the fresh air. “He’s strong, kind, and kind of bull-headed. I haven’t known him for that long, but he already means a lot to me.”

 

“Ooh.”, Greed coos. “Is he cute?”, he asks with mock enthusiasm. 

 

"Kind of." Edward twirls a piece of hair around his finger. "He's been looking kind of beat up for a while, but I guess he's still cute. He has really long hair, tan skin, and he's super tall."

 

Greed goes quiet. "You've got a crush on the prince, don't you?"

 

Ed rubs the back of his head. "It's that bad, isn't it. I mean, he's super brave and tall, plus I've always wanted to hold his hand or some shit like that."

 

Greed groans, doubling over. "Damn, he's impatient!"

 

Ed springs up. "Is it Ling?" He can't help the bit of joy that sneaks into his voice. 

 

"Yeah." Greed sits up and clears his throat. "He's a little pissed that you told the centuries-old asshole taking over his body first instead of confessing directly, but I think he'll live. Maybe I'll let you two talk a little." He closes his eyes and breathes deeply. 

 

When his eyes open, they're Ling's, warm and brown and safe. 

 

"So, a little bird told me someone out here has a crush on me." Ling smiles at Edward. "Is it you?"

 

He gives Ed a smirk that nearly melts his insides out through his feet. 

 

"I don't know.", Edward says. He rests his cheeks on his knees and sighs. "I really like you, but I don't know if I'm supposed to."

 

Ling gets off of his stump and sits next to Edward, their knees barely brushing. "What do you mean? If you like someone, then that should be the end of it."

 

Ed abruptly gets to his feet, hands tugging at his hair. "It's not like that, Ling! You're so great and you have all these people waiting back for you in Xing! You have Lan Fan and Fu and a whole harem of girls back home who would love to be with you!" Ed's voice breaks on the last word and he covers his eyes in shame. "So, why would you settle for someone like me."

 

"You don't think you deserve me?", Ling says softly, his hand hovering just an inch above Edward's shoulder. "You don't think with all the wonderful things you've done, you don't deserve to be loved?"

 

"Of course not!", Edward yells. Somewhere in the distance, a few birds are awoken from their sleep and fly away. "You're a prince, for god's sake! I've killed people, Ling! I almost beat a man to death with my bare hands, the same hands that want to hold yours! You don’t need someone like me fucking up the life that’s already been set out for you!”

 

Ling gets up and grabs Ed by the front of his jacket. “You don’t get to make that decision for me!” Tears brim over in his eyes, matching the saddened snarl on his face. “You don’t get to decide who gets to love you based on what you’ve done! God, Ed, you’re so fucking stupid! Do you know how much it hurts me to see you hurt over and over again because you won’t let anyone get too close to you?” His hands slide up to cup Edward’s face, thumbs brushing over the tear marks on his cheeks. “I love you so much that seeing you every day, doing the dumb shit you do, it makes my heart hurt.”

 

Ed breaks down, resting his head on Ling’s shoulder. “You  _ can’t _ , Ling! I--I can’t like you. I’d ruin your life,  _ fuck!”,  _ he sobs. “

 

Ling wraps his arms around Edward, holding him close while rubbing the small of his back. “It’s okay, Edward. I’m right here, it’s okay.” He presses a few kisses into Edward’s hair. “Let it all out.”

 

Edward cries for a good few moments, crying out his frustrations and anger. “Are you sure you want me?”, Edward says wetly into Ling’s shirt. “I’ve done nothing but cry into your shirt like a baby and hate myself. All this pent-up stress isn’t good for a relationship.”

 

Ling laughs softly. “Hey, if I can’t love you like this, then I’d be the world’s worst boyfriend. Cause I like you, Ed. If I haven’t made that obvious, then you must be blind.

 

Ed breaks away from Ling’s embrace to twine his hands with Ling’s. “That’s what we are now, huh? I, uh, like you too. It’s been a struggle, you know. I really like you, it’s just hard to say.”

 

“Do you wanna talk about it?”, Ling asks. He sits back down on the stump and pulls Ed into his lap. “Go ahead, I’m all ears.”

 

Edward sighs and leans back against Ling’s chest, pleased to be held. “It’s been a long couple of months. I’ve never actually had to think about liking boys, much less a prince at that. Winry told me she likes girls, but I didn’t think there were other options that people thought were ok? I just never guess I’d have a boyfriend.”

 

“Yep!” Ling brings up their joined hands and grins. “You’re stuck with me now!”

 

“Of course I am.”, Ed says. He chuckles wetly and rolls his eyes. “Guess that means I get Greed too?” 

 

Ling shakes his head, squeezing Ed’s hand tight. “It’s just me and you, Edward.”

 

Ed smiles, stretching up to press a kiss to Ling’s lips. “Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

**Author's Note:**

> i can't believe this is the end of edling week! i had so much fun writing a fic for EVERY DAY and i cannot WAIT to flop into my bed like a ragdoll and SLEEP! this fic wasn't as good as my other ones but! that's how it is on this bitch of an earth i guess!
> 
> i'll see yall later for todoiideku week in july!


End file.
